Sleepless Nights
by Here for the Captain Swan
Summary: Emma pulls away after she gets Killian's heart back, but she can't avoid him forever. *originally meant to be a one-shot but it got too long*
1. Chapter 1

Killian Jones expected the last moments of his life to be spent in agony, the pain in his chest tearing him open from the inside as he collapsed in the middle of the street by the town line. He expected to meet his end alone, as that was how he had faced most of the last three hundred years of his life.

The last thing he expected when his heart was about to be crushed by the Dark One was to see Emma Swan. Immediately fear washed over him; fear for her safety, her life. He tried to call out to her to leave him and save herself. Rumpelstiltskin squeezed his heart in an attempt to silence him and a fire ignited in Emma's eyes as he fell, clutching his chest. Killian watched in amazement as she fought for his heart, and he couldn't help but think she looked like an avenging angel with her golden hair streaming behind her and her eyes burning.

With one final blow, the Dark One fell, losing his hold on his precious dagger. Emma surged forward to grab it where it fell, and at last was able to control him.

"Give. Me. His heart." It was all she said, holding the dagger in front of her like a shield. Rumpelstiltskin reluctantly placed Killian's glowing red heart in Emma's outstretched palm and if looks could kill, she wouldn't have stood a chance.

Emma turned away from him and handed the real dagger over to Belle, who was silently crying. Emma placed a reassuring hand on the brunette's shoulder before walking over and kneeling in front of Killian.

She held his heart in her hands, unsure exactly how to go about putting it back in his chest. Regina walked over to the pair.

"Just place the heart over where it should go, and push. It will slide right into place," she instructed calmly, as if this was a normal occurrence.

"Regina, maybe you should do it…" Emma said, unsure of herself as usual. It pained him to know that even though she had just singlehandedly overpowered the Dark One, she still doubted her abilities.

"No, Emma. I want you to do it. I know you can," he said, trying to get her to meet his eyes.

Instead, she focused her full attention on his heart and inhaled deeply before pushing it back in his chest. Killian gasped suddenly and felt every hollow emotion suddenly fill him and crash over him in waves. Regina silently moved away, allowing the pair some space. He looked up, seeking out the eyes of the woman he knew he was completely in love with, relishing in the fact that he could _feel_ that again, but she still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Emma, love, look at me," he whispered, even though she was the only one close enough to hear. "Please."

When at last she looked at him, he inhaled sharply at what he saw. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, filled with hurt and anger and something that looked like betrayal. She stood silently, and walked to her car without a backward glance at him and drove back into town.

Of course she would be hurt and angry. He had lied to her, done horrible things and even though he hadn't been able to control what he had done to the fairies, he had been fully in control of himself when he had punched Will, when he had held a man down while the Crocodile sucked him into that hat. The same hat that he had tried to use on her when she had unwittingly trusted him. She had every right to be angry at him, to never want to see him again.

Emma's father, David, walked over to him and helped him stand from his positon on the ground where he hadn't moved. "Give her time," he said, clapping Killian on the back as they walked back to his truck to return to Storybrooke.

Emma was fuming. That stupid pirate, coming into her life, and slowly winning her heart, daring her to trust again and slowly breaking down the walls she had built up. And she did trust him. She trusted him more than almost anyone, because they really did understand each other. He knew when she needed space and when she needed to be told the truth no matter how hard it was for her hear. He knew when she needed someone to just be there when she was upset and when she needed encouragement that she could, in fact, prevail. She had come to depend on him, and she reluctantly admitted to herself that she had taken it for granted that he would always be there.

And then he almost wasn't.

She had come so close to losing him. And for what? So he could get his hand back for their date? As if that mattered to her at all, and she became angry at herself for making him think that it did, and also for not realizing earlier that something was definitely wrong, choosing to believe him rather than her instincts, to trust him more than she trusted herself.

The first night after she had defeated Gold she woke up in the middle of the night from her nightmare covered in sweat, gasping for breath. She had watched him die, watched the light fade from his eyes, the blue turning grey as the life left his body. She had turned over and tried to sleep a couple more hours, but every time she closed her eyes the image of him dying swam before her and she spent the rest of the night fitfully tossing and turning.

After three nights of this, her father decided enough was enough.

She walked into the sheriff's station late, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair disheveled because she hadn't bothered to do anything with it in her rush to get there.

"Emma, you need to go see him," her father said, standing up to get her a cup of coffee. "You can't keep going like this. I know you're having nightmares and you haven't slept well in days. You need to talk to him."

"It's complicated, Dad, you know that," she deflected, taking a long sip of the coffee.

"What I know is that you haven't been acting like yourself for days. You miss him, admit it."

"Why do you want me to go talk to him so badly? I would think you of all people would be glad I wasn't spending as much time with him," Emma countered.

David sighed and reached for her hand. "I may not approve completely of him," he started, "but let's be honest, what father is overly thrilled at the idea of his daughter dating?" Emma let out a small laugh. David continued. "What I do know is that since he brought you back from New York, you've been different. He makes you happy. I'd give anything to see that smile on your face and if he's the one that puts it there, then I guess I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it."

Emma looked down, not meeting her father's eyes, and took another drink of her coffee. "Why are you suddenly so approving of him?" she asked warily.

"Because I remember a conversation I had with him before you were ever born, back when I thought he was Prince Charles. He said he would go to the end of the world for you and I believe him."

Emma sighed. "Fine, I'll talk to him tonight after work."

David smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**So obviously the finale went a different route than this story, but I figured I should finish this. Thank you to everyone that followed/favorited this as it is my first attempt at writing fanfic. I hope you like this chapter!**

Killian had spent the last three days in his room at Granny's trying to drown his emotions in rum. He had hardly slept in days, as he couldn't close his eyes without thinking of the Blue Fairy, her face full of fear as he had sucked her into that wretched hat. Since she had returned his heart to his chest, Emma hadn't made a single attempt to contact him, and he knew better than to seek her out when she was angry. A part of him worried that she was furious enough that she didn't want to see him again. His chest ached at the thought, and he downed the last of the liquid from his flask. He cursed himself for drinking most of it the previous two days, because now he had nothing. Just as he was about to brave questioning looks from the townsfolk to get another bottle from the diner, a quiet knock came at the door.

He sighed loudly and stood, crossing the room to fling the door open fully prepared to tell whoever was on the other side to leave him alone, but when he saw who it was, he stopped.

Emma.

There she was, standing before him looking just as miserable as he felt, but still breathtakingly beautiful. Her blonde hair tumbled haphazardly over her shoulders and the dark circles under her eyes stood out against her pale skin but she was here, she was standing in front of him.

"Can I come in?" she asked, worrying her lip between her teeth. He wordlessly stepped aside and opened the door wider, and she took a cautious step across the threshold.

Emma stood awkwardly by the door of his room and watched as he flitted about the room, tossing dirty clothes in a pile in the corner and throwing empty bottles into the trash. He looked miserable, his eyes as tired as she knew hers were, ringed with red and she knew he had been drinking. She couldn't really blame him.

"So, darling, are you going to tell me why you're here or just stand there?" he paused his cleaning to stand a few feet in front of her. She had the sudden urge to fling herself across the room into his arms.

She inhaled deeply and spoke. "We need to talk. Are you going to tell me why you lied to me or should I guess?"

"Well as much as I'm just dying to hear your thoughts, love, it's really quite simple," he looked down, refusing to meet her eyes. "I believed that if you knew the truth, you would realize that you deserved someone much better, and being the selfish bastard that I am, I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. So I lied."

"You really thought that I would turn my back on you just because you made a mistake?" she asked quietly, taking a cautious step towards him.

"Haven't you already? The last time I saw you, you put my heart back in my chest and when you finally looked at me all I saw was anger before you ran off and I didn't see you for three days!" Killian felt his voice catch, and could feel his emotions rising to the surface.

_It's because she finally came to her senses. She realized he's just a one-handed pirate with a drinking problem and that's all he ever will be and she knows she deserves better. _The voice has been constant in his head for the last three days, telling him what he knew to be true all along but refused to admit.

"Well course I was angry!" she almost yelled, and he flinched. "I still am! You go and almost get yourself killed because you dug yourself into a hole just to get your hand back? Why do you think something like your hand even mattered to me in the first place? Because if I ever gave you that impression I'm sorry but it couldn't be further from the truth!"

"All I ever wanted was to be a better man for you, to be someone that deserves to be with you. I thought getting my hand back and being whole would be the first step towards accomplishing that," he admitted, and the ache in his chest grew stronger.

"Why can't you just get it through your head? I don't care about what you did in the past. I care about you," she said, her voice catching. He could tell she was growing more and more furious with him by the second, but he fixated on the fact that she cared about him, in some aspect at least. It was something, and he would take it. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and saw her eyes shining with unshed tears, and hated himself a little more for causing her pain.

"Forgive me for not understanding how. I'm sorry I lied to you, Emma, and I understand you have every right to be angry at me. It's my own fault," he looked down.

"YOU THINK I'M ANGRY BECAUSE YOU LIED?" His head jerked up at the sudden increase in the volume of her voice. Killian had never seen Emma snap like that. "I'M ANGRY BECAUSE YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH YOU CAN'T SEE THAT I LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE AND YOU ALMOST GOT YOURSELF KILLED BECAUSE OF IT. I ALMOST LOST YOU, DO YOU REALIZE HOW SCARED I WAS?" she yelled, the moisture that had been building up behind her eyes finally spilling over onto her cheeks. She stopped, mouth slightly open as if she realized what she had just said. Killian knew he wore a similar expression.

Emma took a deep breath to steady herself before she continued. "You've changed so much, Killian. You're not the same person anymore, and I just want you to see that. You don't think you're good enough, but you are. You are _more_ than enough. More than you could ever know," she paused to wipe away a stray tear on her cheek. "You can't just come into my life and make me fall in love with you and then leave me like everyone else. You can't become just another name on the list of people that I've loved and lost."

She met his eyes. He felt his heart hammering in his chest at her words. He took a cautious step forward and reached for her. His hand brushed her face and for the first time since the Crocodile had taken his heart, he felt the familiar spark that passed between them when they touched. He smiled, because he was able to _feel _again. She leaned into his touch, and in an instant his arms were around her, clutching her close as his mouth found hers.

It was as if everything was finally complete. He hadn't realized just how much space Emma occupied in his heart until now. He had felt completely empty the last three days and now she was here and he had never known this kind of joy. One of Emma's arms wrapped around his waist to pull him closer while the other reached up to trace the scar on his cheek. He kissed her and time stood still because all that mattered was her. Everything he had ever done, every mistake he had made, every loss he had felt had brought her into his life and in that moment he realized he wouldn't change any of it, because it made him who he was-made him someone that Emma had grown to love.

She loved him. He couldn't believe it, and yet it was everything and more than he ever wanted.

After what felt like an eternity, but still too soon, he pulled away and met her eyes. This time he didn't see anger, or fear, or even uncertainty.

He saw hope.

**Because I firmly believe that Emma will say "I love you" first.** **I may/may not add one more chapter to this, but let me know what you think anyway :)**


End file.
